Everywhere I turn is the suffering of humankind.
If I’m turned away from to the suffering, I see the cesspool of online comments on youtube videos and articles. Of course, the cesspool begins because of pain, to begin with, so what I’m really seeing is just more pain. “Get off the internet,” people say, and readily I agree that I need to spend less time online. But then I look around me in the real world, and all I see is suffering.
“But that’s a projection,” someone up on all their psychology studies will say. To some extent yes, I will admit some of it will be projection. I have the problem of having human goggles individuated by my own flawed human brain and perception. But, I’m telling you with absolute certainty that most of the suffering I see is not projection, it’s real and it’s blatant.
Some people you can’t help though. Most of the time all help does is ease it to a slight degree, but some people you can’t even do that with. You could say it’s their own choosing, they lay in the bed they made.
I wish I could think like that. I really do. I sometimes think that in moments of anger and frustration. But in the end, I always realise I don’t believe it for one second.
I don’t want these thoughts inside my head. I don’t want these emotions. And most of all, I don’t want to care anymore. I don’t. I really, really, fucking don’t! Because it’s too fucking painful and I swear one day it will be the death of me.