Intensity

There is a surge of energy running through my veins, making it very hard to keep my limbs still. This surge of energy is an intrusive urge, to grab her, have my fingers gripping around her face, squeezing, smelling…

I know it’s disturbing, I feel disturbed. My limbs so desperately want to act on this impulse, restraining myself from acting on this bizarre image in my nerves. That’s the thing, it’s not just an imagine inside my head. It’s in my nerves, telling my limbs to just DO IT. This is not who I am. I am not a violent man. But how can I declare such a character trait with the thoughts and urges I’ve just told you?

I remove myself from the room. Take a deep breath. The world feels like an alien, inhabitable place to me. Cars drive by, music blaring through open windows. My shoe laces are undone. My limbs want to lash out, make a spectacle of myself more than I do as a person. My limbs have become one with my urges. Hair between the fingers of my fist, just pulling and punching, my body rocking with motion. A deep muffled voice asks someone a question, I can tell it’s a question because of the intonation. Then a higher pitched female voice answers “it’s this place. They’ve let the mentals loose” she laughs and her high heels clank against the tarmac. I hum loudly, blocking out the noises of the world. My hair still clutched between my fingers, rocking against the wall.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s