I’m trying to learn to let people and any other living thing, feel whatever they’re feeling and just let them. Without interfering. By that interfering I mean taking their pain as desperation and then letting it take over my own life. It’s hard to explain what I mean, but basically what I project my own desperation onto others, thus making myself feel even more desperate because I become overwhelmed by feeling like everyone else is overwhelmed too. I sense or see someone is suffering in some way and my first thought is “shit they’ll be suicidal” because i find it difficult to conceive of emotion without such intensity that suicide doesn’t cross a persons mind. And when I say cross your mind, I don’t mean that casual “oh god kill me now” thought people often say out loud. I mean the genuine suicial feeling and thought. Find it hard to comprehend the fact that most people survive these bad emotions, even over traumatic Stuff and come out the other end. I panic on their behalf and selfishly because well….then I’ll lose them.
I’m the same with animals. They so much as look like they’re possibly sad, whatever that may look like or any other kind of suffering and I just panic. I can’t stand it. For animals it’s the fact they can’t talk. It torments me. I feel like they could be being misunderstood by us humans and it drives me crazy. This also is possibly projection on my part. I’ve spent my life feeling misunderstood, never quite able to communicate what I mean. Selective mutism through childhood, adolescence etc… I find even once I’ve communicated something, it hasn’t got across enough. Like people have underestimated the power to what I’ve just communicated. All the while I’m in this intense world inside of myself.